i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
