his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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