If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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