in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
