you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
