I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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