Duck Duck Cougar?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
a search helicopter?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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