Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
