He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
