i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His nipple licking is glorious
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