what day is it and did you see me today?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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