maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
