Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize