I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
