i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where is the hickey?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize