the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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