She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
