Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
