Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
