i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just cropdusted the office
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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