And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
