You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
