I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
