Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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