They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
