so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
