I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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