the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
