I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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