I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
