I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
