Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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