After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
