I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
