I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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