you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize