Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
