Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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