thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
