My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
