I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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