if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
