Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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