Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
