Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
