I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
