so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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