Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
