So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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