Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
