But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
