I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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