yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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