community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
