I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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