You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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