I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Vodka?
Forever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
