Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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