White coat. Heels.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize