Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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