K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
