every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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