I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
