dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
