it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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