Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
