Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
