Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
