break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
